Betty Ruth Shear made friends as easily as she made the honor roll. Smart, attractive and popular, a bright future lay ahead when life began to spiral out of control. At the age of 19, Shear was diagnosed with bipolar disease (then referred to as manic depression). Suddenly, periods of euphoria and unbridled creativity were interrupted by sinister obsessions, suffocating panic and repeated visits to the depths of despair—as well as to a laundry list of mental health institutions. Today the daughter of a Holocaust survivor is a Certified Public Accountant, world traveler and beloved aunt, but happiness didn’t come without struggle. Shear decided to write an autobiography (Full Circle, My Success Story Living with Bipolar Disorder, as told to Joanne Fenton Humphrey; 2015, Windjammer Adventure Publishing) to share her insights, personal experiences and message of hope with others. We sat down to talk to the first-time author about the book. It just came out this week.
When you say you’re successful, what does that mean to you?
I have been to the dark side and I have come, as the title of the book says, “full circle.” I went from being a good student to being off the wall, out of control and exhibiting irrational behavior. I was hospitalized and institutionalized. Once I accepted the illness and began treatment, I was able to finish college and graduate cum laude and pass my CPA exam the first time. Now have been an accountant and CPA for 25 years. I have traveled to nearly 40 countries. I have a good job. I am close with my family. And, after 25 or 30 years without friends, I have reconnected with people. Now I volunteer and give back to the community. To be where I am today makes me very proud.
When you say dark side, what was the lowest point for you?
There were some very dark thoughts. The darkest day was the day that I accepted I was sick. I didn’t want to go back to being institutionalized. I had a boyfriend, a house and a job at that point. I worried I’d lose everything.
What has been the high point in this turnaround?
My family’s pride in what I have accomplished makes me feel great. My dad is a Holocaust survivor and I never approached the horror and hell he and others faced in concentration camps. I am so grateful that I have the life that I have. I wake up every day thankful.
What made you want to write the book in the first place?
I had a friend who was on the board of mental health organizations. He thought I should share what I went through with others. His wife had written and published a book and he said he could connect me with a publisher. When my father said he also thought it was the right thing to do I was surprised. I thought he’d be embarrassed by the wild things I’d done being there on paper. He said, “Why would I be embarrassed? Aren’t you a success and aren’t I proud of you? You didn’t do anything just to do it.”
How did you get started?
I was introduced to Ron and Joanne Humphrey of Windjammer Adventure Publishing in Chagrin Falls, Ohio. I told them this book was important to me because I wanted to reach people who were suffering and give them a sense that there can be a rainbow at the end of the very dark tunnel. Then, at Joanne’s urging, I started interviewing people close to me including my parents, my friends, my psychiatrist and two of my bosses.
What is difficult to hear some of the things you hadn’t had to deal with in a while?
No. I know the stories. I know what I did. While I was working on the book though I did start spinning out from thinking about it all the time. I was taking my medicine but my enthusiasm for the project fueled my high and fed it. My boss noticed something was off and mentioned it. With that input, I called my psychiatrist who adjusted my medication. I realize I just have to stay in check every day and throughout the day. I have to ask myself: Am I exercising? Am I getting enough sleep? Am I eating right? Am I stressed? All of those things happen to affect my illness.
How fortunate do you think you are to have such a supportive work environment?
Oh, I’ve been employed at places without compassion too. My current manager has been my manager for about nine years. I chose to tell my bosses now because I wanted them to be prepared. I feel such love for these people. Not only are they great as employers who guide and motivate me professionally, but they are also able to be so human about my life and my background and my personality. It’s been amazing and I am very blessed.
Why did it take you so long to get better?
The stigma around mental illness that existed when I was diagnosed—and which still exists today—impacted my not seeking treatment. Not accepting the illness delayed my getting better and made for many hard times. Back then, the mentally ill were looked at as “the others” or “the untouchables” and I couldn’t accept that I was one of them. Also, I had a fear of being institutionalized, of being tied down and locked up.
What do you wish you’d known when you were really struggling?
If I had another illness—say a sore throat—and I went to a doctor, I would accept the diagnosis and the medication to make that pain go away. Well, I had pain. I had emotional pain but I wouldn’t admit to it or accept that I needed something done for it. While a very sick person might not be able to sit down and read this book and get much out of it, I know there are people out there out there looking for someone or something they can relate to. I certainly was. I read psychology books. I read psychiatry books. I read the Bible. I definitely was searching for something. Maybe if I had come across a book like this it would have made sense to me. Maybe I would have recognized the stories as happening to me. Maybe I would have realized that other people also had delusions and ecstasies and it wasn’t just something that happened to me because I was blessed. I might have understood there was something wrong with me that could be helped.
What else do you hope Full Circle will do?
There are a lot of people out there who have difficulty understanding what is happening to their loved ones. My parents had no guidance. They didn’t have any counseling. I think the more stories like mine that are out there to relate to the better it will be for everyone.
Show support or follow more of Shear’s journey on her Facebook page. Purchase the book on Amazon. Or tune to hear the Majic 105.7FM interview her on Mon., May 4 at 8:10am.
